All-American "cultural destabilization"

With the news breaking that Al-Qaida plotted to kidnap Russell Crowe as part of a "cultural destabilization plot" to capture "iconographic Americans", here are some other possible Al-Qaida kidnapping candidates:

Trying to destroy the morale of the American children, Osama makes a run for Punch and Judy, only to remember that their last kidnapping of toys backfired.

In an effort to bring the American music industry to it's knees, terrorists plan to grab Sir Elton John and possibly the Spice Girls, you know to really drive in the dagger. Immediately the Elton John thing did not work out for obvious reasons. They thought the Spice Girls would be a go, but determined that they did not, in fact, know "what you want, what you really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha."

And if those weren't enough, their final dastardly plan was not only to kidnap Russell Crowe, but to cause the full collapse of our action movie industry by nabbing American icons Jackie Chan and Antonio Banderas. They were unable to apprehend Jackie Chan, because they didn't watch Rush Hour and they handcuffed him to a steering wheel. Antonio Banderas just showed them the box office numbers for Spy Kids 2 and Ecks vs. Sever and even Osama could read between those lines.

While these American-born and raised icons and bastions of American entertainment survived this tragic assault on them and us as fellow Americans, we must be diligent to protect these and other All-American individuals in order for America to survive.