James Tabor and Simcha Jacobovichi, two of the men behind the Jesus tomb publicity fiasco, recognize that their only path to international fame lies in continually pushing the absurd theory that they found an ossuary containing Jesus' bones in a Jerusalem tomb.
Their latest discovery focused on a nearby tomb that contained carved imagery, that they maintain points to early Christians believing in the resurrection of Jesus. You would think this contradicts their earlier stance that Jesus' physical remains are still here on Earth, but that would underestimate their ability to turn every possible finding into support for their claim to fame, their recently released book, their previous Discovery Channel special and their upcoming Discovery Channel special.
If you thought making that leap was impressive, just wait until you see their next five findings that they link to the Jesus tomb. Here are the top 5 discoveries that support the "Jesus tomb" assertions.
5. A baby seeing his hands for the first time - It is one of the great discoveries of life. New parents watch as a baby beings to gain motor skills and moves his hand in front of his face. They giggle when they see his awed reaction at his hands moving through his line of sight.
But, Tabor and Jacobovichi see dollar signs. What is clearly happening is that baby is signaling to those watching that Jesus had nails driven through His hands. The baby's amazement is that this is most assuredly linked to Tabor and Jacobvichi's newest "Jesus tomb" venture - Jesus gloves: real facsimiles of the types of gloves worn by those who maneuvered the remote controlled video camera that explored the "Jesus tomb." It could be the baby's amazement or it could be gas, but we're going with amazement.
4. That great new Thai place on the corner of Oak Street - Oh, the joys of finding a new restaurant. You enjoy all your old places, but being able to be the first of your friends to eat at a new one is one of life's little pleasures. You can taste the spices and your friends' jealousy all at the same time.
Tabor and Jacobovichi taste cash advance on a new book. That Thai place of yours just happens to be around 200 yards from a church, where people gather to worship a resurrected Jesus, but shockingly enough it's also near a graveyard. Filled. With. Bones. Those bones cry out: "Go check out the Jesus tomb DVD on the Discovery Channel website for $29.99!"
3. A $20 bill in a pair of pants you haven't worn in awhile - For whatever reason, a pair of pants jeans have been sitting in your dresser unworn for awhile. You tug them on, slip your hand in the pockets and ... Jackpot! Where'd this 20 come from? You don't remember anyone giving you $20, but that's not to say you won't take it and savor it.
You should do more than savor it, according to Tabor and Jacobovichi. You should celebrate because your groundbreaking discovery is just the next bit of evidence they need to conclusively prove that the random tomb they found in Jerusalem has Jesus' bones in it. Remember how people used to call dollars "bones"? There was a few months in the mid-90's when it was all the rage. Now, here you have discovered these 20 "bones" in your pocket, which is just enough to buy the latest "Jesus tomb" book on sale on Amazon.
2. The latest BBC hit on Netflix - Whether it's Doctor Who or Downton Abbey, Americans are in love with hit British shows right now. Netflix is the place to find them all. Sure, you have to dig through layers of B (or C) movies to find something decent, but there are some great finds out there on Netflix. Almost all of the BBC series are at least worth a look, as they have some great acting, insightful story telling and a pinch (or sometimes a cup full) of British wit.
You know who's not from the UK? Tabor and Jacobovichi. You know who else is not from the UK? Jesus. Coincidence? I think not. Enjoy all the BBC dramas you can for now, because soon the British station will be running all Jesus tomb related material thanks to a new deal just signed with Tabor and Jacobovichi. Doctor Tabor, Downton Abbey: Jerusalem Edition, and some random show where Gordon Ramsey yells at people to go buy the newest "Jesus tomb" t-shirt will all be part of your viewing pleasure.
1. Linsanity - He's the hottest thing in the NBA right now. Jeremy Lin has taken the Big Apple and basketball by storm. The former third-stringer turned record breaking point guard superstar has been open about his Christian faith, drawing comparisons with a certain Denver Broncos quarterback. He's Harvard educated, theologically sound and has crazy skills on the court. What's not to love about Lin?
Tabor and Jacobovichi know what's not to love about Lin - they can't figure out a way to turn his stardom into a positive for themselves. Everything else was easy, but for some reason they can't turn Linsanity away from Jeremy Lin's play on the court to their crusade in the archeology dig. If they can ever figure out a way, you'll know about it. The "Jesus tomb" will be all five of Sportscenter's top 5 plays of the day, everyday, all year long. Booyah.
Their latest discovery focused on a nearby tomb that contained carved imagery, that they maintain points to early Christians believing in the resurrection of Jesus. You would think this contradicts their earlier stance that Jesus' physical remains are still here on Earth, but that would underestimate their ability to turn every possible finding into support for their claim to fame, their recently released book, their previous Discovery Channel special and their upcoming Discovery Channel special.
If you thought making that leap was impressive, just wait until you see their next five findings that they link to the Jesus tomb. Here are the top 5 discoveries that support the "Jesus tomb" assertions.
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| If there is a way to make it about themselves and the "Jesus tomb," Tabor and Jacobovich will find a way. Photo from RGBstock.com by Jay Simmons |
But, Tabor and Jacobovichi see dollar signs. What is clearly happening is that baby is signaling to those watching that Jesus had nails driven through His hands. The baby's amazement is that this is most assuredly linked to Tabor and Jacobvichi's newest "Jesus tomb" venture - Jesus gloves: real facsimiles of the types of gloves worn by those who maneuvered the remote controlled video camera that explored the "Jesus tomb." It could be the baby's amazement or it could be gas, but we're going with amazement.
4. That great new Thai place on the corner of Oak Street - Oh, the joys of finding a new restaurant. You enjoy all your old places, but being able to be the first of your friends to eat at a new one is one of life's little pleasures. You can taste the spices and your friends' jealousy all at the same time.
Tabor and Jacobovichi taste cash advance on a new book. That Thai place of yours just happens to be around 200 yards from a church, where people gather to worship a resurrected Jesus, but shockingly enough it's also near a graveyard. Filled. With. Bones. Those bones cry out: "Go check out the Jesus tomb DVD on the Discovery Channel website for $29.99!"
3. A $20 bill in a pair of pants you haven't worn in awhile - For whatever reason, a pair of pants jeans have been sitting in your dresser unworn for awhile. You tug them on, slip your hand in the pockets and ... Jackpot! Where'd this 20 come from? You don't remember anyone giving you $20, but that's not to say you won't take it and savor it.
You should do more than savor it, according to Tabor and Jacobovichi. You should celebrate because your groundbreaking discovery is just the next bit of evidence they need to conclusively prove that the random tomb they found in Jerusalem has Jesus' bones in it. Remember how people used to call dollars "bones"? There was a few months in the mid-90's when it was all the rage. Now, here you have discovered these 20 "bones" in your pocket, which is just enough to buy the latest "Jesus tomb" book on sale on Amazon.
2. The latest BBC hit on Netflix - Whether it's Doctor Who or Downton Abbey, Americans are in love with hit British shows right now. Netflix is the place to find them all. Sure, you have to dig through layers of B (or C) movies to find something decent, but there are some great finds out there on Netflix. Almost all of the BBC series are at least worth a look, as they have some great acting, insightful story telling and a pinch (or sometimes a cup full) of British wit.
You know who's not from the UK? Tabor and Jacobovichi. You know who else is not from the UK? Jesus. Coincidence? I think not. Enjoy all the BBC dramas you can for now, because soon the British station will be running all Jesus tomb related material thanks to a new deal just signed with Tabor and Jacobovichi. Doctor Tabor, Downton Abbey: Jerusalem Edition, and some random show where Gordon Ramsey yells at people to go buy the newest "Jesus tomb" t-shirt will all be part of your viewing pleasure.
1. Linsanity - He's the hottest thing in the NBA right now. Jeremy Lin has taken the Big Apple and basketball by storm. The former third-stringer turned record breaking point guard superstar has been open about his Christian faith, drawing comparisons with a certain Denver Broncos quarterback. He's Harvard educated, theologically sound and has crazy skills on the court. What's not to love about Lin?
Tabor and Jacobovichi know what's not to love about Lin - they can't figure out a way to turn his stardom into a positive for themselves. Everything else was easy, but for some reason they can't turn Linsanity away from Jeremy Lin's play on the court to their crusade in the archeology dig. If they can ever figure out a way, you'll know about it. The "Jesus tomb" will be all five of Sportscenter's top 5 plays of the day, everyday, all year long. Booyah.
