The way many voters are treating this presidential campaign reminds me of arguments I had over sports (or basically anything) when I was in junior high. Middle school logic is in a class by itself.
I once had a middle schooler tell me that Leonard Nimoy was the greatest actor ever. I asked him to name one role Nimoy had outside of Star Trek. He thought for a second and said, "I can't think of any, but he was great as Spock!" Touche.
That sounds a lot like many of the reasons we've heard for casting our ballots one way over the other. We've went from Big Bird to binders, expensive clothing to excessive clapping, a dog on car roof to a dog in a meal.
Who knows what's going to happen next, but with all the things that have been pushed by either side as vital issues, I'm sure it will be good (and by "good," I mean great for comedy purposes, but horrible for the actual state of our union and future of our culture).
Here's my best (worst?) guess as to what the top 10 fake issues of the 2012 presidential campaign should be moving forward.
10. Mitt Romney hates Sesame Street so much, he made Tickle-Me-Elmo laugh so hard the furry red monster sounded like he was Joe Biden at the debate. Who's the real monster now?
9. If you reverse the letters of Barack Obama's name it spells, "I was born in Kenya, so I am, by definition, an unconstitutional president." I read it on a blog somewhere, so it must be true.
7. Romney, with no concern for the struggles of most Americans, refuses to eat 47% of a pizza. Instead, he stuffs it full of hundred dollar bills and sets it on fire just to watch the weird colors the flames are.
8. Did Michelle Obama, advocate for completely healthy eating, sneak a Krispy Kreme burger while on the campaign trail in NC?
6. Rafalca, Ann Romney's horse, is set to write a tell-all autobiography through a famed horse whisperer.
5. The whole Bin Laden thing was a fake. Barack Obama didn't actually kill the terrorist mastermind. Instead, he ordered a hit on that guy with the horrible fake beard from the YouTube video that got Muslims riled up.
4. Bain Capitial, the investment company formerly run by Mitt Romney, secretly bought Facebook and are the ones behind every one of the changes you complained about for a week and then just got used to after that.
3. Paul Ryan lied about using P90X as a workout system. He actually uses Insanity. Lying liar.
2. While Mitt Romney once strapped Seamus his dog in a dog carrier to the top of his car for a cross country trip, Barack Obama repeatedly straps Joe Biden to the top of Air Force One, without a carrier, for cross country flights.
1. President Obama was endorsed by Honey Boo Boo and Lindsey Lohan backed Mitt Romney. Oh, wait. That one's real. And if you don't know who either of those people are, congratulations. I envy you.
What have been some of the silliest "issues" that you've seen take center stage during this campaign? What other fake stories do we need to see come up, just so we've covered every base and searched through every binder?
If you have the time and you didn't do it. Click on those the links in the post. They go to pictures that help explain or are part of the joke.
I once had a middle schooler tell me that Leonard Nimoy was the greatest actor ever. I asked him to name one role Nimoy had outside of Star Trek. He thought for a second and said, "I can't think of any, but he was great as Spock!" Touche.
That sounds a lot like many of the reasons we've heard for casting our ballots one way over the other. We've went from Big Bird to binders, expensive clothing to excessive clapping, a dog on car roof to a dog in a meal.
Who knows what's going to happen next, but with all the things that have been pushed by either side as vital issues, I'm sure it will be good (and by "good," I mean great for comedy purposes, but horrible for the actual state of our union and future of our culture).
Here's my best (worst?) guess as to what the top 10 fake issues of the 2012 presidential campaign should be moving forward.
 |
| "This guy is an illegal alien from ... Mars." "Well, this guy wants to strangle Big Bird with his bare hands." |
10. Mitt Romney hates Sesame Street so much, he made Tickle-Me-Elmo laugh so hard the furry red monster sounded like he was Joe Biden at the debate. Who's the real monster now?
9. If you reverse the letters of Barack Obama's name it spells, "I was born in Kenya, so I am, by definition, an unconstitutional president." I read it on a blog somewhere, so it must be true.
7. Romney, with no concern for the struggles of most Americans, refuses to eat 47% of a pizza. Instead, he stuffs it full of hundred dollar bills and sets it on fire just to watch the weird colors the flames are.
8. Did Michelle Obama, advocate for completely healthy eating, sneak a Krispy Kreme burger while on the campaign trail in NC?
6. Rafalca, Ann Romney's horse, is set to write a tell-all autobiography through a famed horse whisperer.
5. The whole Bin Laden thing was a fake. Barack Obama didn't actually kill the terrorist mastermind. Instead, he ordered a hit on that guy with the horrible fake beard from the YouTube video that got Muslims riled up.
4. Bain Capitial, the investment company formerly run by Mitt Romney, secretly bought Facebook and are the ones behind every one of the changes you complained about for a week and then just got used to after that.
3. Paul Ryan lied about using P90X as a workout system. He actually uses Insanity. Lying liar.
2. While Mitt Romney once strapped Seamus his dog in a dog carrier to the top of his car for a cross country trip, Barack Obama repeatedly straps Joe Biden to the top of Air Force One, without a carrier, for cross country flights.
1. President Obama was endorsed by Honey Boo Boo and Lindsey Lohan backed Mitt Romney. Oh, wait. That one's real. And if you don't know who either of those people are, congratulations. I envy you.
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What have been some of the silliest "issues" that you've seen take center stage during this campaign? What other fake stories do we need to see come up, just so we've covered every base and searched through every binder?
If you have the time and you didn't do it. Click on those the links in the post. They go to pictures that help explain or are part of the joke.
